Dreaming again

So another day has come and gone and I'm remiss to think of wasted opportunities. So here I sit blogging and thinking what I should have and could have done. I can't help but feel the dichotomy between personal and professional life. My personal life is at the apex and rising yet my professional life is found wanting. Cliches come to mind, 'if I knew then what I know now' 'if I could go back and do it all over again' yada yada yada and so it goes. But I really don't think I would change much...it's why I am who I am.

I keep thinking what should I be when I grow up and it's all over the place. I can't find happiness in any one job. The only place I've ever felt truly myself is in a coffee shop. But I refuse to go back to the remedial barista just to work in the cafe again. I'd love to open my own...we've talked about it...but the start up is killer. I would love to do a cafe/bakery/place for me to write my novels and I shall. I was watching Cake Boss and I would love to have a place for my family...immediate and extended...to come work and be close to one another and just have a good life. Is that too much to ask? Probably but I don't care, I'm at my ends in a cubical.

Walking in every morning like a drone to sit in my halogenic world full of overly bright whites combined with imperfections of aged yellow teeth molding. Weeping into my neutral clad carpeted half wall hoping to find my way out like Papillon and his desire for freedom. The only thing that keeps me going everyday is my coffee...strange but true.

Now to the logistics of the matter...

Well I haven't got a clue as to the exact amount any longer but I'll get it all back in order and find investors/grants/loans and lotto winnings right?! ha Well off to plan.