Been Awhile

So I can't even remember the last time I wrote on my blog. I had a ton of plans and ways to use it to make money. But once again my Lethargic lazy ass lifestyle has allowed me once again to miss out on another opportunity. What can you do?...Change it and you and any and all things that allow you to fail. My life is SO right at this time in my life yet parts are SO wrong at the same time. Not real sure how to explain it!

I believe this is the exact reason I stopped painting and that I hardly ever write. My mind is a mess but my heart and soul are wonderful...soul could probably use a touch of work :)...so what's my deal? I just need to become a man that act upon decisions. I'm so fearful about failing and disappointing those I love again; I just can't allow that to solder my feet to the floor and make me inactive.

So time to toss the bad habits. I want to do well and love what I do but I'm not sure such a beast exists?! I love the idea of grad school but time will tell. Can a degreed Historian ever use any skills that were acquired during undergrad? I love the research and report writing but the only place you can find a job like that is either as a Prof or Lawyer!? Hmmmm..

The Game industry is also fascinating to me but to follow that road leads to living in a broken state of Cali...beautiful but tough. My mind never slows and I love it but I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. The creativity melds with my thought process and gives me wonderfully terrible thoughts that one day will allow me to be published. Yet again the lazy life and the fear of failure, or is it the idea of disappointing the holds me back? Maybe it's the fear of trying and failing to take the story I've given life to and putting it on paper while conveying the emotion and meaning that I feel while 'dreaming' it up? How do you do it?