Mind in overdrive

So it's a little late and I've got to be to work tomorrow but I just can't seem to find sleep. My mind has always been active by nature...some would argue over active. It's all point of view and whatnot. I am a consummate worrier even on nights like tonight when there is nothing to worry about. Am I forget about something I should be remembering ie. I'm worrying because I have nothing to worry about I guess. HA Maybe I'm just worried about work seeing how the weekend ends in about 10 minutes and Monday will be upon us once again?! Not sure but hey it's what I do.

I would say that I'm worried about smoking. It's the only real habit I've had in my life that I can't kick. One weak moment opens up another four months of smoking. It's tough but I've been through and survived worse. I'm no longer bullet proof and I can feel the years of this habit taking it's toll. Not that I'm sick or anything but I've become congested and I can hear myself breathing...raspy like a marble in a drain pipe. I've got the ole smokers hack building and my throat is always dry.

I've been off track on my diet for quite a while now and it worries me that I'm tossing one of the greatest opportunities I've ever had aside and returning to my true form...round and unhealthy. I need to call Dr. Syn and get a new blood work sheet sent to me and just go do it. I need to set an appointment with him as well. I'm so lethargically lazy these days that I can't seem to do anything that I need to.

I'm also worried about money. I'm not talking about the now but the future! I want to be able to be debt free and buy my wife the fanciest house in the world with all the trimmings and addon's. I know she doesn't care for all that but nonetheless she shall have it one day. I just want her to have the best...I get that from my dad I do believe.

I think the thing that is keeping the cogs turning the most this evening is the new position I applied for over the weekend. I would actually get to use my History degree! How sweet would that be?! If I get the job I will actually be employed as a Historian. FINAGH I could think of no better career than to be a paid HISTORIAN! The market is so tight and overcrowded that it won't be easy and that's the part that worries me the most. If I get the position there is no limit to the heights I could possibly go within the Historical field of study. Environmental Masters and PhD. Word. Published and quoted. I would get a chance to be involved within the Historical community and it would allow for great things.

I worry because I have a desire to move and it doesn't seem to be some passing fad in the night. It's just something I'd like to do and I think Albuquerque would be a good place. BAH there's no telling and as Hill says, "don't worry about what's out of your control." Wish it were actually that easy...which it probably is...she's usually right...the past four years she's yet to be wrong...good track record I'd say. ha