A blah day...

I don't know what it was today but it was just so...MEH. Nothing special happened, good or bad, it was just a strange day. Oh well I guess we all have them. My problem is my mind works over time, without any real assistance from yours truly, and it's nonstop. I don't know how else to explain it. It picks apart all plans, dreams, and ideas. It finds the worst in every situation and tries to encompass all possible solutions. Yet it wears me out no matter what the outcome.

On a brighter side of things I did dig into my Masters program application package. I forgot I had it so I went through it today and there are many great options for me to look forward to. So that was extremely nice to take my mind off of...well everything. I'm sure with this Masters under my belt in a couple of years my professional value will soar. I just have to focus and plan on missing out on a few choice things over the next two years or so.

I went to my parents tonight while my wife was in class. She works so hard it makes me tired. All go and no stop...I can tell she's found her passion in photography. It was great to see my mom tonight, I haven't seen her in about a week. I'm a mamas boy so that was quite a while for me. My dad is just melting away before our eyes. He's looking good, a little stiff still but doing well. I can't wait until he goes to get some new clothes in a few months. That will be good times all around. We can have a good laugh and he will amaze himself.

Off to bed for some reading. The way my mind is still churning I might blog again later, I might not so we'll see how the 'sleeping' thing goes.

Dreaming again

So another day has come and gone and I'm remiss to think of wasted opportunities. So here I sit blogging and thinking what I should have and could have done. I can't help but feel the dichotomy between personal and professional life. My personal life is at the apex and rising yet my professional life is found wanting. Cliches come to mind, 'if I knew then what I know now' 'if I could go back and do it all over again' yada yada yada and so it goes. But I really don't think I would change much...it's why I am who I am.

I keep thinking what should I be when I grow up and it's all over the place. I can't find happiness in any one job. The only place I've ever felt truly myself is in a coffee shop. But I refuse to go back to the remedial barista just to work in the cafe again. I'd love to open my own...we've talked about it...but the start up is killer. I would love to do a cafe/bakery/place for me to write my novels and I shall. I was watching Cake Boss and I would love to have a place for my family...immediate and extended...to come work and be close to one another and just have a good life. Is that too much to ask? Probably but I don't care, I'm at my ends in a cubical.

Walking in every morning like a drone to sit in my halogenic world full of overly bright whites combined with imperfections of aged yellow teeth molding. Weeping into my neutral clad carpeted half wall hoping to find my way out like Papillon and his desire for freedom. The only thing that keeps me going everyday is my coffee...strange but true.

Now to the logistics of the matter...

Well I haven't got a clue as to the exact amount any longer but I'll get it all back in order and find investors/grants/loans and lotto winnings right?! ha Well off to plan.