Technology and it's effects.

Today I was looking at Amazon, and twitter, and Publishers Weekly and there is a lot of chatter out there about the Kindle. This world we live in moves so fast and you either jump on and hold on or just let it pass at it's own pace. I'm trying to transition and jump and hold but part of me just says screw it. So much is gained by technology yet how much is lost in the fray?

I can't help but think what wide spread usage of the Kindle will do to the book industry and reading in general. I'm a self proclaimed Bibliophile and my wife will attest that every week I'm bringing to books home. Some I won't ever read but they seem like something that would interest me. Some I'll read parts of and get bored with them, others I'll simply tear through as if they are a present under the tree on Christmas Eve. But every single book I have, will have and will never have are just friends that I will meet along my life cycle.

It puzzles me, the thought of curling up on the couch, in bed, or in a chair and reading a book on a flat screen hand held computer. It's so impersonal and uninviting. It seems to me that the imagination would suffer and the enjoyment would turn more towards torture than pleasure. Where are the pages that brown and yellow with age? Where is the scent of paper and ink and binding glue that creates that magical concoction of a book? Walking into a book store would equate to walking into a averagely white hospital waiting room with nothing but the smell of Ammonia to tide you over.

What happens to book stores in general? Will there be a need for bookshelves any longer or will it all be online downloadable content that further removes humanity away from the act of being human? Not only book stores but what happens to writers when there is no more scanning the isles for that next great read. The excitement of searching through a mountain of books for your next thrill ride or emotional release will be extinct. I fear that unless your a known entity within the writing world you will be lost in the wake of the technological marvels that will propagate and proliferate humanity.

Think about it. When you go to a book store you might already know what book you're looking for...especially if you fall into the Oprah book club cult (another rant for another raving)...but along the way you meet and greet new friends on the shelf or best seller tables. Hell, you might even adopt one and take it home with you even though you planned on buying just the one book. But when you go to Amazon or some other online book source you go straight for the kill and buy that one book and you might...MIGHT...checkout the 'other people that bought this book are interested in these as well' link that will lead you to a book you might come back for if you remember. But other people that bought said book won't really look at other books either so your source for the new up and comer is limited to the coding within the website.

Now to the 'meat and potatoes' of this raving! If you go to Amazon, or any of the thousands of sites that will surely poke their surly heads up in the future, to download a Kindle book, which I believe you'll probably be able to just down load from a list on Kindle, you don't even look. For all the aggression the populace has shown for rights and freedoms this seems to me like others have decided how to take the freedom and God given right of free will out of the mix. I assume they believe that everyone is far less complex then themselves and that the more simple and streamlined the process the easier we as humans will enjoy the process. I'm not a primate, I have free will and an intellect that allows me to gain excitement through knowledge and the hunt for a good if not great book. I digress! So you download a 'book' from Kindle and you will NEVER take the time to see what's new out there. You will follow blindly over the cliff like other lemmings that took the leap into the known. I believe that this will ruin the writing world and the market in it's entirety.

I guess nothing is free and with new technologies we give up 'small' things that others deem are no longer important. I love technology and I don't know where I'd be without it but there are certain things I don't want. I see the Graphic Novel soon to be movie Surrogates becoming real life. Why get your hands dirty and struggle with the challenge when you can sit back and let technology do the work? I won't own a Kindle and if I ever get published I hope to never put a book on Kindle. That being said if it comes down to my principles or my family and I surviving I'll sell out in a heart beat. So what I'm saying is let's stop this computer 'book' thing before it gets started. I don't want to be put in that situation and I don't want to lose the escape a book store and a great book brings to my life.

If you haven't noticed readers are seen as standoffish and aloof at times. We're not, we are just addicted to reading and the knowledge and escapism that pour forth as we devour books. Also, this is something that I'm passionate about but something I'm torn about as well. I hope to one day be nothing more than a writer, take that whichever way you will, and I want to be able to support my wife, kids if we have any, and all family by writing. I'd love to be the next JK Rowling or Vince Flynn or Robert Ludlum or Lee Childs and write for a living, but if the market switches to computer 'books' then it leaves me little choice...hop on or get run over...and I just hope it doesn't come to that. I just hope I can write good paper bound books that release the scent of the Gods every time you flip open the cover or turn the pages.

A blah day...

I don't know what it was today but it was just so...MEH. Nothing special happened, good or bad, it was just a strange day. Oh well I guess we all have them. My problem is my mind works over time, without any real assistance from yours truly, and it's nonstop. I don't know how else to explain it. It picks apart all plans, dreams, and ideas. It finds the worst in every situation and tries to encompass all possible solutions. Yet it wears me out no matter what the outcome.

On a brighter side of things I did dig into my Masters program application package. I forgot I had it so I went through it today and there are many great options for me to look forward to. So that was extremely nice to take my mind off of...well everything. I'm sure with this Masters under my belt in a couple of years my professional value will soar. I just have to focus and plan on missing out on a few choice things over the next two years or so.

I went to my parents tonight while my wife was in class. She works so hard it makes me tired. All go and no stop...I can tell she's found her passion in photography. It was great to see my mom tonight, I haven't seen her in about a week. I'm a mamas boy so that was quite a while for me. My dad is just melting away before our eyes. He's looking good, a little stiff still but doing well. I can't wait until he goes to get some new clothes in a few months. That will be good times all around. We can have a good laugh and he will amaze himself.

Off to bed for some reading. The way my mind is still churning I might blog again later, I might not so we'll see how the 'sleeping' thing goes.

Good news

Well a week full of Monday's has brought me to some good news. Last week a position in our department became available and it's something I feel like I could do well. I applied for it even though I don't quite meet the requirements. I would like to move up in the company but I'm not looking to stay forever. This would be a great chance for me to gain experience and have a job that meshes with my Masters that I will be getting.

That being said today I was pulled aside this afternoon and was told that even through all the drama of last week I handled myself professionally and took responsibility for my mistakes and fixed said mistakes. This position has had many applicants but my name is on the list and I do have a good working relationship with my company and boss so I'm hoping my name will be placed higher on the list. There were no promises made or any wink wink nudge nudge type actions. He was just letting me know that I would be good for the job. And you know what, it's kind of nice to know every once in awhile that your actions are being noticed even though you have to suffer through hoping for change.

Strange but hey it's how I roll as they say. So I'm hopeful that I can get this position for several reasons: experience in a field I hope to move up in, it will allow me to have a job and get my masters that goes with the job, and it will help my wife and I have an all around better life.

So I got that going for me...which is niiiice!

Dreaming again

So another day has come and gone and I'm remiss to think of wasted opportunities. So here I sit blogging and thinking what I should have and could have done. I can't help but feel the dichotomy between personal and professional life. My personal life is at the apex and rising yet my professional life is found wanting. Cliches come to mind, 'if I knew then what I know now' 'if I could go back and do it all over again' yada yada yada and so it goes. But I really don't think I would change much...it's why I am who I am.

I keep thinking what should I be when I grow up and it's all over the place. I can't find happiness in any one job. The only place I've ever felt truly myself is in a coffee shop. But I refuse to go back to the remedial barista just to work in the cafe again. I'd love to open my own...we've talked about it...but the start up is killer. I would love to do a cafe/bakery/place for me to write my novels and I shall. I was watching Cake Boss and I would love to have a place for my family...immediate and extended...to come work and be close to one another and just have a good life. Is that too much to ask? Probably but I don't care, I'm at my ends in a cubical.

Walking in every morning like a drone to sit in my halogenic world full of overly bright whites combined with imperfections of aged yellow teeth molding. Weeping into my neutral clad carpeted half wall hoping to find my way out like Papillon and his desire for freedom. The only thing that keeps me going everyday is my coffee...strange but true.

Now to the logistics of the matter...

Well I haven't got a clue as to the exact amount any longer but I'll get it all back in order and find investors/grants/loans and lotto winnings right?! ha Well off to plan.

Here still...again

Another weekend has come and gone and I can't help but wonder why they have to be so short. I need to start writing professional and that way my job won't seem so bad when the weekends over. Don't get my wrong I know there won't ever be a job worth leaving a weekend for but hey, it's got to be better then what I'm doing now.

Well I'm off...it's a short one but one nonetheless. I'm going to go read. I just finished a book by Patrick Lee 'The Breach' a fabulous book...doesn't come out until December but when it does pick it up. I'm thinking about starting a new blog about new authors? Just and idea, feel free to leave feed back...if anyone actually reads this.

My Dad

I got to hangout with my dad some today. We went to the movie and enjoyed it. If you'd have asked me ten years ago if my dad and I would be this close or even on speaking terms I probably would have said no. But within the past five years he has become my closest guy friend, hell my best friend.

Used to I always felt he was judging me or expecting things from me that could never be seen as possible. But now looking at it I can see that it was me not meeting expectations that I had internally for myself. You could even say subconsciously I wasn't living up to my own standards. It was never his thoughts or wishes for me to live up to anything other then my potential. I believe to my core that it was never him watching me or scrutinizing me, it is that he helped raise me and both my parents have set high expectations for themselves and they pasted that along to both children. I was doing everything I could to get myself killed/arrested and I was not living up to my potential. And since my mom and I are actually a lot alike he was my point of interest when I need to find someone to blame. It is so strange viewing this now when I felt so fervently in the past.

My dad resonates high expectations and standards, yet these are what he has set for himself and no one else. He doesn't hold or have these expectations and standards so he can be judged by them or seen as a man of quality, he has them for himself so he can be proud and happy with himself. I know that with me God, with my help, broke the mold in my creation, in my dad I believe that God built a special mold just for him. He didn't break it, he was the only one meant to use that mold. I have big shoes in front of me to fill but I know that my dad isn't expecting me to fill them, he just wants me to be myself and happy.

I know that he doesn't care what I've done or who I became or where I've been...he avoids those stories at all costs...that's why I know he's my best friend and a father that is just proud of his son! I sit here and view what I know of my dad and I wonder if I can ever live up to, strike that. Not live up to but I wonder if I can ever be like him, as wonderful a man, father, husband, friend that he has been to us all. It's funny, I lived with him for so many years and never realized how lucky I have been to have been given a father like him. I've been blessed in so many ways! My dad, my wonderful mother (who just so happens to be another best friend), my lovely sister and her husband and kids, and my wife and bff...there are no words to describe how I feel about my wife...blessed and loved.

I just hope that I can be as good a man to my wife and children, if we have any, as he has been to me and my mom and sister. He is just somebody who has an opinion that I value and a shoulder I can lean on and a person I can bump my ideas off of. I'm so happy for him and proud of him for having his surgery and just being himself. He is stronger then I am, we've both had the same surgery and he just walked right through it and it makes me smile. I am one lucky bastard that is for sure.

Dad if you read this I'm sorry for how I was and I appreciate your unconditional love. You DA MAN!

What a week

I'm so glad this week is over. I've had five consecutive Mondays and it blew. A long week at work with the multiple questions coming up and only one response. How many times can you be put in the hot seat to answer questions that are all the same yet phrased differently? I spent at least an hour a day with the higher ups explaining that due to their persistence on moving forward a human error was made by yours truly. I take full responsibility for the problem and I take full responsibility for addressing and fixing said problem. Yet somehow they believe that deception on my part is at the heart of the matter. Believe me if I was planning on doing something that stupid it would have been far more creative and far more destructive to the bottom line. But I like the people I work with, if not for, and I like the paycheck as well. So why oh why would you think that...no idea.

On a good note I got my Xbox back and I'm horrible at it. All I need is a little, or a lot, of practice and I'll be back to normal in no time flat. It's nice to have that escape back. I'm glad to be writing as much as I am this week as well. It's still not enough but it's a start and I'm proud of myself for it nonetheless.

On my manuscript idea I'm full of mixed emotions. Which story to write or should I just combine them into one?! One story becomes better and the other loses value...in my mind anyways. So do I start with the story that saved me from myself or do I build upon the new ideas. Either way both will be written and you will one day have them on your shelf at home.

Well time to practice and escape for a few more hours.