Creative Outlet

I've decided I need to find a creative outlet. I love to paint but the oil paint makes the house smell. It makes my wife sick and after awhile, I must admit, it makes my stomach ill as well. Writing well, I like to write but sitting down and writing from my imagination never turns out like I want it too. It's a difficult task to create your own world and get the proper emotion into your characters. I need to go back to nonfiction writing I think. It's fact based on your research, yet that too is overwhelming at times. My point of view or new idea is hard to make credible with all the PhD's floating around writing about what is. I thought about hunting too. This idea I like but it's expensive and my wife isn't fond of the idea of guns in the house. I'm not comfortable with guns either yet I'd like to learn. The problem is you have to spend tons of money up front just to find out if you even like it. I've always wanted to learn the art of welding. You can do art and projects with it, but we'll see.

I just feel like I'm floating in constant hiatus waiting for something to happen. Why not make it happen. Become me and do things I like while becoming a more proactive positive person. Sounds like a reasonable plan. So away we go.

First proactive/positive thing I plan on doing is going to get my teaching certificate. I need to stay after the Post Bacc guy to get me some information and to get me enrolled. So away we go.

Forward movement not sitting idle.

Do you ever feel lost in a world without walls and only open doors? It’s as if THE answer to THE question is right around the corner yet there are no corners in sight. Don’t get me wrong! I’ve got the best wife, a great family and friends that would never allow me to feel alone again; that being said there is just something missing. I’m constantly searching but for what I do not know. I don’t believe in fate yet it would be nice to just run blindly into something you couldn’t find and weren’t looking for. Destiny is a separate beast all together. It’s not what gets you where you’re going, it IS where you are going and/or end up. But it’s untamed and unknown. Is this the modern term of God works in mysterious ways or is it a natural reaction to atoms and ions conjoining to form some larger picture? Either way something’s missing and I need to find it.

I seem to be stuck not in a rut but in a revolving door of lethargy and inability to act. Would a wiser person just make a decision to change and go for it even if it’s wrong? I’m a dreamer by birth but these dreams never leave me. I believe that I’m scared to act because this creative mind is mine and the world might not view it or except it they way I have. Lord knows how many things in my life have been ruined due to the lack of action and the monotony of the day dream process that loops through my head.

To write and paint and delve into the arts is a never ending dream of mine. Yet the talent, in my opinion, is not within me and therefore, via my opinion of myself, will persuade others to see it/me the same way. How do I create the stories/images on a two dimensional piece of paper come alive for all the world to see as I see it in my head? The fear eats at me and the lethargic mentality that flows in these veins holds me back, yet I’m the only thing, one, and obstacle in my way. So how to change that? Baby steps to perfection or a giant leap that could land me somewhere I’ve never thought of being or ever wanted to go? True the baby steps work but I’m not a baby step kind of guy. The leap, while fascinating, is all in all a shady prospect at best. It’s a crap shot with my life. Not that I mind digging holes God knows, but to drag others down with me is beyond my desire.

So the corner I seek is somewhere out in the land of the unknown leap I believe. Now after pontificating from this mountain top which way do I leap? WOW such an analytical dreamer…I’m a freak of nature…but not to worry the analytical strings aren’t secured strongly and every day is a struggle to stay grounded. I thank my wife and my father for keeping me grounded and my mother for allowing me to float in the stars. Now how to meld this being together? The process will be difficult I’m sure! Not one thing in life worth doing is easily achieved so I set off in a direction of unknown consequence and strike my claim on the dream, the creative dream of life that will not consist of carpeted half walls and interdepartmental bureaucracy. Now if I could just find my notebooks and pens and a place to begin…late nights await and fulfilling a destiny that I haven’t a clue about. Ready, set, go.

‘For every challenge could have paradise behind it.’ ~John Popper